But they’re just a few examples of weird items that doctors have removed from people’s BOTTOMS over the years.
The list of items, discovered in the annals of medicine, are featured in a new book, ‘A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex’.
Written by British author and ‘sex historian’ Simon Leyland, the book also features different terms for orgasm used through the years and various names for nookie.
The items, listed under a section titled, ‘Honestly, doctor, I slipped and fell on it…’ are detailed below along with four other facts about the history of sex.
1. Weird items removed from people’s backsides
- Live ammunition
- Peanut butter jar (crunchy)
- Can of Lynx body spray
- Salad tongs
- Pint Glass (upside down)
- Vegetables (various)
- Toy car
- Snooker ball
- Cola bottle (diet)
- Cassette tape
- Buzz Lightyear figure
- Mobile phones (various)
- Umbrella handle and enema tubing
- Liquid cement
2. Lie back and think of England
The phrase “Lie back and think of England” can be attributed to a certain Lady Alice Hillingham (1857-1940).
She wrote in her diary in 1912: “I am happy now that [my husband] Charles calls on my bedchamber less frequently than of old.
“As it is, I now endure but two calls a week and when I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs, and think of England.”
3. Old terms for sex
Give someone a green gown (1351)
Play nug-a-nug (1505)
Ride below the crupper (1578)
Put the devil into hell (1616)
Join paunches (1656)
Play at rantum-scantum (1667)
Blow off the groundsills (1674)
Play hey gammer cook (1674)
Join giblets (1680)
Ride a dragon upon St. George (1698)
Make feet for children’s stockings (1785)
Dance the kipples (1796)
Have one’s corn ground (1800)
Horizontal refreshment (1863)
Arrive at the end of the sentimental journey (1896)
4. Ancient advice on how to conceive
Hang masculine paintings on the wall, so the woman’s mind is filled with the thoughts of brave men, and that’s when she will conceive.
—Medicine Pertinent to the Infirmities of Women, Giovanni Marinello (1563)
After the act of copulation, the woman should take rest and, if possible, not make water for some hours.
When she rises from the bed, let her not do anything to disquiet herself, but walk gently up and down.
—The Mysteries of Conjugal Love Reveal’d, Nicholas Venette (1703)
5. Why Popes had their testicles felt
In Vitae Pontificum, (Lives of the Popes, written by Bartolemeo Platina in 1479), the author explains that, for some time, all papal nominees had to have their testicles felt before being installed through fear that had grown out of rumours that an earlier Pope was a woman.
To prevent such an event from happening again, a throne of purple stone with a hole in the middle was made and the youngest deacon would reach up through the hole and check nominees’ credentials.
- A Splendidly Smutty Dictionary of Sex by Simon Leyland (Deep Desires Press) is out now on Amazon UK, priced £14.29 in paperback and £7.85 as an eBook.